Kaffeeklatsch

Our local McDonald’s is one of the popular gathering places for some of the townsfolk to come and hear all the latest gossip. For some of them, it’s the place where they come to tell all the goods they’ve heard elsewhere.

I confessed earlier to not being an eavesdropper, but our McDonald’s is undergoing a major remodeling, and on this particular morning, I decided I wanted breakfast there, and they had the place compacted into enough room for only 4 tables, so I ended up right in the middle of the kaffeeklatsch.

I couldn’t NOT hear what they were saying, and after I realized how entertaining it was going to be, I just stopped trying to not hear them.

Amazingly enough, they stayed away from the topic of politics (thank goodness), and pretty much stuck to the mundane and everyday. And they could be funny . . .

Seriously — while pretending not to listen and trying to mind my own business, it was all I could do to not laugh out loud at certain points!

I’ve decided to share with you a snippet of some of the things they discussed — all world- and life-changing discussions, I can assure you — NOT!

I got in on the tail end of an argument between a couple of them: “George, you just don’t wanna give anybody any credit for anything, do you?” No response from George. A third gentleman then piped up and asked: “Well, who won that argument?” The first guy retorted: “You don’t win an argument with George,” and gave it up and went on.

Then I heard someone else say: “Well, she WAS a fortune-teller.” Keep in mind I don’t know any of these people, and also have no idea who they’re referring to when they’re talking. It’s like a medley of nonsense hitting my ears! So now I’m curious to know who the resident fortune-teller is . . . or I guess “was” . . .

One member is there with his laptop. When several of them get into an argument over something, he says: “Hang on a minute — I’ll Google it and tell you who’s right!”

One lady kept telling everyone that came in after her that she’d been there “since 6 am”, and she hadn’t, because I got there at 6:45 and she came in after I did! I didn’t tattle on her . . .

We heard the tale of how one of them took his wife to the “gamblin’ boat”, and how they had eaten at a place called “Casa Grande”, only he pronounced it “Cassa Grand Day”, which nearly laid me out from choking on a piece of biscuit.

Another fellow decides to enlighten them all on what happened to him recently. “I fell again at church yesterday.” His fellow kaffeeklatscher jumped all over that one: “That’s a sign you should’na been there. I keep tryin’ to tell you that religion is gonna kill you!”

Barely recovered from snorting coffee through my nose, this conversation spawned an announcement from another gentleman at the table: “Elmer was a very religious man. He went to church 2 times every Sunday: once when he took Dorothy, and once when he went back to get her!”

I had to get up and leave. “Hey, Miss! Miss?!” I turn around . . . “Are you playing Monopoly?” Unable to speak, I peeled the playing pieces off my coffee cup and handed them over. There was an entire flock of women with coffee cups ready to pounce on my table . . . I think I’ll be waiting until the remodel is completely finished before I try going back there again!

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Published in: on October 26, 2010 at 3:25 pm  Comments (5)  

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Are you kidding? That’s the best kind of entertainment although ours was always found at the feed-hardware store and it was the well seasoned men that sat around shooting the bull. You did well because I would have been on the floor.

  2. OMG. I am roaring right now. I don’t try to eavesdrop either, but I’ve been in situations like you, where you just cannot help it. And the conversations are just so funny. I love it. Thanks for sharing!

  3. So this is why my husband goes to the local diner. Only about 12 (or fewer) people are in at any given time but obviously there is a whole lot going on. He doesn’t tell me these things. I’m going to have to start asking more questions. This is soooooo funny.

  4. Shelly, When we were in High School, they all hung out at Hardee’s. Not sure exactly when they moved to McDonald’s, but I had noticed that when I was up there. Didn’t know they were remodeling. Kind of surprised that you didn’t know anyone of them or who they were talking about though. Bet your dad would have.

  5. Shelly, you are so funny. Love the stories.


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