My cousin, Deno, recently had hernia surgery.
Since he lives alone, I volunteered to nurse him through the recuperation until he could get back on his feet and take care of himself.
We don’t have TV at the ranch, but Deno has lots of channels, and a TV in every room of his house (OK, so there’s not one in the bathroom . . . but I’m not joking about the others). I took along lots of quilting projects, and we watched a lot of TV, mostly in separate rooms so we could each watch what we wanted. (And now I know why I’m glad we don’t have TV at the ranch.)
During this recuperation period, Deno was on serious painkillers, and while he’s normally a really funny guy anyway, this made him even more entertaining!
And you may know how I like to collect random snippets of conversations that I find exceptionally funny, especially when taken out of context, so while Deno was under the influence of drugs, I collected some of his funny quotes (so I could use them against him later, if necessary).
I’ll share them with you now . . . just in case you find them as amusing as I do . . . or in case you’d like to borrow any of them for your own repertoire . . .
* I’m sort of a flashlightaholic
* I got a little carried away with the cattle prod, but it didn’t cause him any lasting problems . . . just a little arrhythmia.
* You were about to sink into “old fogey-ness”.
* Everyone needs a good steno pad.
* The phrase “You’re a moron” seems appropriate for this moment.
* I’m a positive person. It’s just that some of the things I’m positive about happen to be negative.
* What are those little Mexican barkin’ dogs? . . . You mean Chihuahuas? . . . Oh, yeah, Chihuahuas . . .
* I thought once I told you I was tenured, you might start showing a little respect.
* I think he needs counseling of some sort.
* Everyone knows you sew. So if they find me with a needle in my jugular, they’ll know . . .
Can you tell it was a bit of a trial being his nurse at times? Thankfully, he’s done really well, and was up and about on his own two days after the surgery. I would not make a good full-time nurse!