The Quotable Cowboy

I haven’t published any quotes from My Cowboy lately.

Mainly because it’s taken me a really long time to collect enough that I can actually publish.

Guess he’s been “in a mood”!

Which leads me to repeat one of my favorites he uses: “Whaddaya mean, most of my comments aren’t bloggable?”

A lot of his comments involve “bathroom humor”, which always reminds me of our friend, Amy, who canNOT tolerate “bathroom humor”, which only makes her husband and My Cowboy use it even more around her, just for kicks.

We were all horseback riding together in the Black Hills of South Dakota once, and Amy had to go to the bathroom. Well, in the middle of a place like that, you just have to squat behind a bush or something, so the other 3 of us courteously rode ahead of her up the next hill, so she could have some privacy.

All of a sudden, we hear shouting, and here comes her horse, empty stirrups flapping, reins just a-flailing, running up the hill . . . without Amy . . . who’s still at the bottom of the hill with her pants around her knees!

We’ve also pondered (many times over) the purchase of one of those toilet seats that you fit over the opening of a 5-gallon bucket . . . you know . . . as a birthday gift for her.

Her husband, Kevin, had to make a pitstop on the trail once, as well, and when he left us, he was wearing both of his gloves. When he came back, he only had on one! Don’t think we didn’t make fun of him for that the entire rest of the trip — we just referred to him as the “King of Poop” from then on!

You’ll recognize some of the following quotes as some that Amy would not approve of. The rest are just pure Cowboy, spouted off at opportune moments, and captured by me in between fits of laughter . . .

“Don’t just stand there . . . get ta generatin’ revenue!”

“She’s a regular cornucopia of vagabonds.” (Whatever that means!)

“When I take a notion, I just can’t stop.”

“We’re all whores in this world.”

“Brussel sprouts tend to fortify my intestinal vocalization.”

“Isn’t she just a horn of plenty?”

“How do you design ‘fickle’?”

“Come to my garden.”

“I wouldn’t want you to go crucially blind.”

“Did that crank yer tractor?”

“Don’t you like it when I say your name in your native tongue?” (I’ll let you guess what particular noise preceded this one.)

“I’s bein’ romantical.”

“Why does your coffeepot sound like a teakettle?”

“I believe you are going to hear . . . and smell . . . some cauliflower.”

“I figgered you’d have an answer . . . and there’d be a ‘no’ in it somewhere.”

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Published in: on March 27, 2012 at 11:55 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’m a thinkin’ you need to make a calendar…kind of like those Ace Reid calendars although I’m thinking some of those quotes may be accompanied by questionable pictures. Just puttin in my 2 cents to help you generate that revenue. 🙂

  2. Yes, yes, I agree! She could call it, “The Quotable Cowboy’s Bathroom Humor-A-Day” calendar or some such. I’m not sure I understand all of them but I’m afraid to think too long on them 🙂

  3. When we used to go horse camping, my hubby/cowboy wanted a “shitter chair.” So, we went to USU’s surplus sale, and bought one of these old wooden chairs with the vinyl seats. He cut a hole in the seat, and we wrapped the vinyl down inside and had this great shitter chair. He would dig a long trench when we went camping and set the chair at the end of the trench. You would use the chair, do your business, fill in that section of the trench, and then slide the chair back to the next section of trench for the next person. Worked great. Our friend, Rick, made huge fun of my cowboy for that chair.

    Except when he had to poop. Then, he came asking for the chair. He called it my cowboy’s throne.

    So, the next year when we went camping again with them, I decided to “throne up” the chair. I painted all the wood metallic gold. I covered the seat and back with red velvet. I used a gold braid around the edges to finish the velvet, and I glued rhinestones all around the edge of the seat. It was hilarious. Rick about died. But he became quite attached to the chair.

    When we moved back east, I think we gave him the chair for his horse camping trips. It was a great chair.

  4. Oh, yeah, and I didn’t get around to it, but the next improvement I was going to make to the chair was to add a TP holder on one side and a magazine holder somewhere on the back. haha.


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